You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy?

Given:

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. 
(You get only 30 minutes to draft and proofread your work!)

The Formula: 

See later:
eslwise easier essays (complete instructions for using a formula to save time while writing well)

See now:
Writing is a recursive process. Follow the steps below for the most efficient use of your writing time.

1. Quickly generate a strong opinion.
2. Generate supportive body topics.
3. Develop body details.
4. Organize paragraph order and embed transitions.
5. Formulate thesis sentence.
6. Draft introduction.
7. Draft conclusion.
8. Proofread.

 

The Example Draft:

Note: TOEFL essays are completed in 30 minutes and should be about 300 words long. These limitations do not produce masterpieces. Do not try to impress with your intelligence. Do not be a perfectionist. Avoid abstract sweeping generalizations and the advanced language they require. Keep it simple, personal, and vivid. 

Quickly generate a strong opinion.

Minding my own business includes my own house.

(This will be the very last sentence of my essay, so now I have a goal to write toward and I can plan my steps to get there.)

 

Generate supportive body topics. 

I buy houses with my career in mind.
To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui.
My typical day includes many domestic tasks that I make work for my career.

 

Develop body details.

I buy houses with my career in mind. I teach English conversation on the internet. The more locations around my house where I can work with my students,  the longer hours I can work and the more inspired I am to help make meaningful conversation. My current house has my primary work space in what is supposed to be the kitchen dining area. This way, I can mind my cooking while working. I chose a house that has a bar rather than a wall between the cooking and eating areas. My current house is in a warm climate and has a large private lush back yard. On most days, I can take a portable device out there. I don't worry about my voice disturbing my neighbors. Being among the azaleas, bamboo, live oaks, and one hundred foot tall pine trees gives me something to marvel at while I focus on tedious details like my students' pronunciation problems.

To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui, a theory of orienting and arranging one's life to allow the best flow of energy. In a previous house I wanted to leave for a better location, I strategically placed mirrors throughout. When I was finished, every wall opposite a doorway had a mirror that pulled a person through. Wherever I would have liked an extra window to the outside, I placed a mirror. The other thing I did was convert to a stand up office environment for work. Suddenly my body was much more free to come and go at my computer, and I quickly lost all my excess weight. My mirrors and standing desk empowered me to quickly get my life in enough control that I could move to a better geographic location.

My typical day includes many domestic tasks that I make work for my career. (I am running out of time, so I choose to discard this third content topic. The development of my first two topics adequately support my position.)

 

Organize paragraph order and embed transitions.

Because my second body paragraph concludes with the statement about moving to a better geographic location, I decide that it will naturally flow into a concluding paragraph, so I leave the order as is.

I already have my transitions in place. My topic sentences come directly from my thesis, so my reader can easily recognize what details will follow. I use introductory prepositional phrases such as "this way", "on most days", and I repeat certain grammatical patterns, such as "my current house", so my reader can anticipate what kinds of details to encounter.

 

Formulate thesis sentence.

I take my topic sentences and put them together in a way that defines all my supportive details:

Topic sentences:
I buy houses with my career in mind.
To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui.

Thesis sentence: I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. 

I go back and revise my second topic sentence to more accurately reflect my thesis:
To set up my house to fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui.

 

Draft introduction.

 
The paragraph:
I have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would I choose to buy? Let's say I need both, so this might be a tough choice. However, to save money, I could live in my office or work from my home. I have heard that more and more people are doing this nowadays. And it just so happens that is what I already do. I telecommute. My home business is my reality. I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind.

The explanation:
The best introductions hook readers with the first sentence. Readers can be hooked by well stated problems that they can see themselves having. So, revising the TOEFL problem prompt for first-person grammar gets this job done quickly and easily. The only thing left to do is fill in the gap between the first sentence and the thesis sentence. This process requires some additional information about the writer, just enough information to help readers make the connection between the problem in the first sentence and the proposed solution in the thesis sentence.

 

Draft conclusion.

Pre-writing:
Look again at the very last sentence of the essay written as the very first step in the writing process: Minding my own business includes my own house. Think about leading up to these last words. Follow the rule of thumb for writing a good introduction: Begin with a sentence that reminds readers of the original thesis.

The paragraph container:
I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. Minding my own business includes my own house.

The filled out paragraph:
I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. Spaces like kitchens and backyards must allow me to teach English online in them. I can cook or enjoy beautiful scenery while I work. Spaces must give and not take my energy. Things like windows and mirrors are empowering. Standing rather than sitting is empowering. If a house and location works for me, I can stay and get a lot done, but if a house could be better, I can leave it easily. Minding my own business includes my own house. 

 

Proofread.

 

Pre-writing:
Stitch together all the paragraphs in preparation for proofreading. Proofread not only for mechanical problems, but also for word choice.

The complete draft (see revisions in bold brackets):
I have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would I choose to buy? Let's say I need both, so this might be a tough choice. However, to save money, I could live in my office or work from my home. I have heard that more and more people are doing this nowadays. And it just so happens that is what I already do. I telecommute. My home business is my reality. I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind.

I buy houses with my career in mind. I teach English conversation on the internet. The more locations around my house where I can work with my students,  the longer hours I can work and the more inspired I am to help make meaningful conversation. My current house has my primary work space in what is supposed to be the kitchen[-]dining area. This way, I can mind my cooking while working. I chose a house that has a bar rather than a wall between the cooking and eating areas. [So, I can smell and hear what is on the stove and save a hamburger before it turns black.] My current house is in a warm climate and has a large private lush back yard. On most days, I can take a portable device out there. I don't worry about my voice disturbing my neighbors. Being among the [white, orange, and pink] azaleas, [swaying and whispering] bamboo, [fern covered] live oaks, and one hundred foot tall pine trees gives me something to marvel at while I focus on tedious details like my students' pronunciation problems. [And, my various backdrops give my students more to talk about, too.] [I am a professional in my own home.]

To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui, a theory of orienting and arranging one's life to allow the best flow of energy. In a previous house [that] I wanted to leave for a better location [in a warmer more natural setting], I strategically placed mirrors throughout. When I was finished, every wall opposite a doorway had a mirror that pulled a person [along]. Wherever I would have liked an extra window to the outside, I [also] placed a mirror. The other thing I did was convert to a stand up office environment for work. Suddenly my body was much more free to come and go at my computer, and I quickly lost all my excess weight. My mirrors and standing desk empowered me to quickly get my life in enough control that I could move to a better geographic location. [Sometimes I buy to set up, but other times I set up to buy.]

I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. Spaces like kitchens and backyards must allow me to teach English online in them. I can cook or enjoy beautiful scenery while I work[, and my students find me more interesting, too.] Spaces must give and not take my energy. Things like windows and mirrors are empowering. Standing rather than sitting is empowering. If a house and location works for me, I can stay and get a lot done, but if a house could be better, I can leave it easily. Minding my own business includes [minding] my own house.

The explanation:
I check every sentence for how well I am guiding and engaging my readers. Sometimes I need to add words to be more explicit. The toughest part of writing for other people is seeing our writing through the eyes of readers who don't know all our thoughts that we take for granted. Mostly, we need to work extra hard to help readers see the connections between our main points, and the connections between our points and our details. Part of this work includes adding details that appeal to our readers' senses, specific sights, sounds, names, and actions.