What have you learned about a country from watching its movies?

Given:

Films can tell us a lot about the country where they were made. What have you learned about a country from watching its movies? Use specific examples and details to support your response.

(You have only 30 minutes to draft and proofread your work!)

The Sample Essay Draft Step by Step

1. Quickly generate a strong opinion.

As a country girl in the US, I would most likely be a country girl in Vietnam.

2. Generate supportive body topics.

Scent of Green Papaya showed me how Vietnamese city people can be disconnected from nature. Scent of Green Papaya showed me how Vietnamese country people can be connected to nature.

3. Develop body details.

Scent of Green Papaya showed me how Vietnamese city people can be disconnected from nature. The male children of the household were bored during their free time and resorted to pranks like spilling mop buckets and engulfing ants in candle wax for entertainment. The adult males hid in mosquito netted beds to practice music rather than enjoying their courtyard. The young pianist who saved the servant girl lost himself in his moody compositions regardless of the weather outside. While teaching the servant girl to read, he became preoccupied with the angle of her head. He could experience her beauty only through his drawings of her.

Scent of Green Papaya showed me how Vietnamese country people can be connected to nature. Bui, the servant girl, could absorb herself in the natural world at any moment, the song of the tree frog, the swish of a carp's tail, the pearly seeds of a green papaya. While being taught to read by the young pianist, she gasped in open delight at a reference to nature. In the filrm, while city people around her made art, Bui simply lived art.

4. Organize paragraph order and embed transitions.

The order and topics look logical as they are. However, I will mention here that as I drafted my first paragraph, I caught myself in an error. While I chose topic sentences that limited me to discussing only one type of character in each paragraph, in my first paragraph I began discussing another character. I had momentarily forgotten that I chose a structure to compare by type rather than point by point. It is mentally easier for me to discuss something point by point, but in this kind of short essay, point by point discussion would result in many short body paragraphs that would be difficult to reflect back to the thesis sentence. Short comparison contrast essays work better organized by type rather than point by point.

5. Formulate thesis sentence.

The Vietnamese film, Scent of Green Papaya, showed me how Vietnamese city people can be disconnected from nature while the country people can be connected to it.

6. Draft introduction.

Films can tell me a lot about the country where they were made. What have I learned about a country from watching its movies? I will use specific examples and details from a Vietnamese film to support my response. The Vietnamese film, Scent of Green Papaya, showed me how Vietnamese city people can be disconnected from nature while the country people can be connected to it.

7. Draft conclusion.

Scent of Green Papaya featured city characters who avoided direct contact with nature and its beauty, whereas it featured a country character who was constantly immersed in nature and part of its beauty. The city people stayed indoors occupied with music and art about the natural world outside while the country girl listened to the tree frog and meditated on the seeds of the papaya. I don't know how accurately this film depicts its country's city and country people. However, as a country girl in the US, I would most likely be a country girl in Vietnam.

8. Proofread.

Films can tell me a lot about the country where they were made. What have I learned about a country from watching its movies? I will use specific examples and details from a Vietnamese film to support my response. [I remember this film so well partly because the country girl in it reminded me of myself as a country girl.] The Vietnamese film, Scent of Green Papaya, showed me how Vietnamese city people can be disconnected from nature while the country people can be connected to it.

Scent of Green Papaya showed me how Vietnamese city people can be disconnected from nature. The male children of the household were bored during their free time and resorted to pranks like spilling mop buckets and engulfing ants in candle wax for entertainment. The adult males hid in mosquito netted beds to practice music rather than enjoying their courtyard. The young pianist who saved the servant girl lost himself in his moody compositions regardless of the weather outside. While teaching the servant girl to read, he became preoccupied with the angle of her head. He could experience her beauty only through his drawings of her. [These city people frustrated me, and I wanted to shout at them to go outside and work and play for a change.]

Scent of Green Papaya showed me how Vietnamese country people can be connected to nature. Bui, the servant girl, could absorb herself in the natural world at any moment, the song of the tree frog, the swish of a carp's tail, the pearly seeds of a green papaya. While being taught to read by the young pianist, she gasped in open delight at a reference to nature. In the [film], while city people around her made art, Bui simply lived art. [Bui is my kind of friend to spend time with.]

Scent of Green Papaya featured city characters who avoided direct contact with nature and its beauty, whereas it featured a country character who was constantly immersed in nature and part of its beauty. The city people stayed indoors occupied with music and art about the natural world outside while the country girl listened to the tree frog and meditated on the seeds of the papaya. I don't know how accurately this film depicts its country's city and country people. However, as a country girl in the US, I would most likely be a country girl in Vietnam.

Study alone?

Given:

Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

(You have only 30 minutes to draft and proofread your work!)

The Formula:

See later:

eslwise easier essays (complete instructions for using a formula to save time while writing well)

See now:

Writing is a recursive process. Follow the steps below for the most efficient use of your writing time.

1. Quickly generate a strong opinion.
2. Generate supportive body topics.
3. Develop body details.
4. Organize paragraph order and embed transitions.
5. Formulate thesis sentence.
6. Draft introduction.
7. Draft conclusion.
8. Proofread.

The Sample Essay Draft Step by Step

1. Quickly generate a strong opinion.

If I want to learn to be a better person, I choose to study with others, but if I want to get a good grade, I choose to study alone.

2. Generate supportive body topics.

I've had bad group study experiences. I've had good solitary study experiences.

3. Develop body details.

I've had bad group study experiences. For example, when I was in a class about media law and ethics, I agreed to meet with three other classmates to review precedent court cases to be able to discuss them extensively in an essay test. Marcy, Raymond, and Hugh agreed to meet in the University of Texas Student Union at four pm. By five pm, only Marcy was still there, and we frantically copied each others notes among mustard and ketchup stains, often noticing that our notes weren't that much different, so not that helpful to each other.

I've had good solitary study experiences. For example, when I was in a class about electricity, at my own dining room table, I used a thick black felt tip pen on poster board and copied all the formulas and definitions I would need for the semester, such as Ohms Law, Resistance, Voltage, Current. I put this poster and others for other classes on the walls around my apartment, so alone, while eating or brushing my teeth, I could study.

4. Organize paragraph order and embed transitions.

The order and topics look logical as they are.

5. Formulate thesis sentence.

Studying with others and by myself have taught me I learn better alone.

6. Draft introduction.

If I have a big test coming up, which do I choose, to study with classmates or study by myself? I like the idea of making new friends and getting better at getting along with others, but if I am in school, I am there to master a subject more than to improve my social life. Studying with others and by myself have taught me I learn better alone.

7. Draft conclusion.

I learn better by myself without the distractions that others can cause. I'd rather spend time making posters than dodging blobs of mustard and ketchup. I love people, but I also love good grades. If I want to learn to be a better person, I choose to study with others, but if I want to get a good grade, I choose to study alone.

8. Proofread.

If I have a big test coming up, which do I choose, to study with classmates or study by myself? I like the idea of making new friends and getting better at getting along with others, but if I am in school, I am there to master a subject more than to improve my social life. Studying with others and by myself have taught me I learn better alone.

I've had bad group study experiences. For example, when I was in a class about media law and ethics, I agreed to meet with three other classmates to review precedent court cases to be able to discuss them extensively in an essay test. Marcy, Raymond, and Hugh agreed to meet in the University of Texas Student Union at four pm. By five pm, only Marcy was still there, and we frantically copied each others['] notes among mustard and ketchup stains, often noticing that our notes weren't that much different, so not that helpful to each other.

I've had good solitary study experiences. For example, when I was in a class about electricity, at my own dining room table, I used a thick black felt tip pen on poster board and copied all the formulas and definitions I would need for the semester, such as Ohms Law, Resistance, Voltage, Current. I put this poster and others for other classes on the walls around my apartment, so alone, while eating or brushing my teeth, I could study.

I learn better by myself without the distractions that others can cause. I'd rather spend time making posters than dodging blobs of mustard and ketchup. I love people, but I also love good grades. If I want to learn to be a better person, I choose to study with others, but if I want to get a good grade, I choose to study alone.

Parents are the best teachers?

This tutorial is taken from my easier essays page.

Directions:

"If you don't know where you are going, you might end up somewhere else."--Anonymous

1. PRACTICE DRILL: QUICKLY GENERATE STRONG OPINIONS: Read a TOEFL Writing topic from the list below. Immediately respond in a single, short, personal sentence to express your personal truth. For example, I read:
   • Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
   I write my own relevant personal truth: I am my own best teacher.
2. Check if your personal truth matches your assigned topic. So far, mine does. My truth is how I disagree with the statement.
3. Repeat number one and two above until you can quickly consistently produce a single, short, personal sentence that responds to the writing prompt (topic).
4. Your personal truth will be the final sentence of your essay. You will know where you are going in your writing. Now select one personal truth to practice developing into an essay. I will work with mine to demonstrate.
5. GENERATE SUPPORTIVE BODY TOPICS: Think of three ways to support your personal truth as it relates to the writing prompt. My three ways are:
   • I learned from my parents only by choice.
   • How can only two imperfect people always know what is best for the whole life of another?
   • What if children in fact are their parents' best teacher?
6. DEVELOP BODY DETAILS: Now it is time to write some details to see what we actually have to work with. We will decide the order of the body paragraphs AFTER we finish their details. I will demonstrate details for my body paragraphs (tap or mouseover blank to reveal mode):
   • I learned from my parents by choice. For example, my dad wanted me to learn to ride a bike with training wheels. But, I did not like how the bike wobbled. Even as a little girl, I knew my balance was still bad. One day, I watched the parent of a friend put my friend on a big bike on top of a grassy hill. Mrs. Slack let Terry go and Terry did not fall. The bike rolled naturally, and at the bottom of the hill, Terry had found her balance. She rode in a big circle in the yard below. I asked them if I could try. For me, the bike also rolled naturally down. I went home to tell my dad that Mrs. Slack taught me how to ride a bike. The lesson was ultimately my choice. (Comparison/Contrast, Description)
   • How can only two imperfect people always know what is best for the whole life of another? For example, my mom taught my brother and me to cook spaghetti. However, years later I had to stop eating wheat because I was allergic. My brother still eats lots of wheat spaghetti and he has health problems. He will not get tested for the allergy. Maybe our mom taught him a bad habit. Also, our dad taught us that beer tasted good. He gave us sips when we were little and we saw him drink it every weekend. He did not warn us how addicting it is. I drank too much beer in college. It was very hard to give it up later even when it was giving me headaches. (Cause/Effect)
   • What if children in fact are their parents' best teacher? From me, our mom learned to use cell phones, video players, computers, and smart televisions. From my brother, my dad learned that he had a worse temper than he thought he did. Once my brother accidently set a bale of hay on fire. Our dad threw my brother across the barn and punched him. Our dad learned that sometimes parents punish their kids because they are actually angry at themselves. Dad apologized when he realized the fire was not intentional. (Classification)
7. ORGANIZE PARAGRAPH ORDER AND EMBED TRANSITIONS: Now let's see how our body paragraphs relate to each other. At this time we can also work on our transitions. After looking, I see that my beer headache detail naturally leads to my topic about choice. And, I see that my bike story naturally leads to my topic about teaching parents. I will use more meaningful transitions than FIRST, SECOND, and FINALLY. I will reorder my paragraphs as 1) beer story, 2) bike story, 3) angry story. And this is how my transitions will work:
   • The last sentence of my beer story: I could learn better from my parents if I could choose only the good lessons.
   • The last sentence of my bike story: Now if I were my dad's mom, I could teach him to find his own balance.
   • The last sentence of my angry story: Who was really doing the teaching?
8. FORMULATE THESIS: Now that the entire body of our essay is done, we know our topics and their order, so we are FINALLY ready to write our thesis statement. Here is mine: My parents did not always know what was best for me, could not choose for me, and often learned from me, instead.
9. DRAFT INTRODUCTION: While our thesis is still fresh in our minds, we can introduce it, and fulfill the purpose of the introduction paragraph. Here is my introduction:
   • Are parents the best teachers? Let's look at mine. I will show you that sometimes they were not. Even though I consider them to be the most cherished and important people in my life, they were my parents and not my best teachers. This is true in three ways. My parents did not always know what was best for me, could not choose for me, and often learned from me, instead.
10. DRAFT CONCLUSION: We are on our final step in the composition process: drafting our conclusion paragraph. It will need a transition, a topic sentence that summarizes our thesis, at least three sentences that summarize our details, and our parting personal truth statement. Here is my conclusion:
    • In the previous paragraphs, I have defined good teachers as people who know what is best for me, can make better choices for me, and can teach me better than I can teach myself. My parents did not always fulfill these qualifications. I learned to ride a bike from a parent, but I chose my best lesson from a parent not my own. Our parents did not teach us what was best to eat and drink. Our parents made mistakes, often out of anger. But, now I realize that maybe there is no such thing as a best teacher. Or, maybe for me there is only one option: I am my own best teacher.
11. PROOFREAD: Go back over your writing to make any corrections. A good trick is to read each sentence from last to first, to see what is really there instead of what you expect to be there. Use the ETS scoring rubric for guidance: RUBRIC.

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy?

Given:

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. 
(You get only 30 minutes to draft and proofread your work!)

The Formula: 

See later:
eslwise easier essays (complete instructions for using a formula to save time while writing well)

See now:
Writing is a recursive process. Follow the steps below for the most efficient use of your writing time.

1. Quickly generate a strong opinion.
2. Generate supportive body topics.
3. Develop body details.
4. Organize paragraph order and embed transitions.
5. Formulate thesis sentence.
6. Draft introduction.
7. Draft conclusion.
8. Proofread.

 

The Example Draft:

Note: TOEFL essays are completed in 30 minutes and should be about 300 words long. These limitations do not produce masterpieces. Do not try to impress with your intelligence. Do not be a perfectionist. Avoid abstract sweeping generalizations and the advanced language they require. Keep it simple, personal, and vivid. 

Quickly generate a strong opinion.

Minding my own business includes my own house.

(This will be the very last sentence of my essay, so now I have a goal to write toward and I can plan my steps to get there.)

 

Generate supportive body topics. 

I buy houses with my career in mind.
To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui.
My typical day includes many domestic tasks that I make work for my career.

 

Develop body details.

I buy houses with my career in mind. I teach English conversation on the internet. The more locations around my house where I can work with my students,  the longer hours I can work and the more inspired I am to help make meaningful conversation. My current house has my primary work space in what is supposed to be the kitchen dining area. This way, I can mind my cooking while working. I chose a house that has a bar rather than a wall between the cooking and eating areas. My current house is in a warm climate and has a large private lush back yard. On most days, I can take a portable device out there. I don't worry about my voice disturbing my neighbors. Being among the azaleas, bamboo, live oaks, and one hundred foot tall pine trees gives me something to marvel at while I focus on tedious details like my students' pronunciation problems.

To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui, a theory of orienting and arranging one's life to allow the best flow of energy. In a previous house I wanted to leave for a better location, I strategically placed mirrors throughout. When I was finished, every wall opposite a doorway had a mirror that pulled a person through. Wherever I would have liked an extra window to the outside, I placed a mirror. The other thing I did was convert to a stand up office environment for work. Suddenly my body was much more free to come and go at my computer, and I quickly lost all my excess weight. My mirrors and standing desk empowered me to quickly get my life in enough control that I could move to a better geographic location.

My typical day includes many domestic tasks that I make work for my career. (I am running out of time, so I choose to discard this third content topic. The development of my first two topics adequately support my position.)

 

Organize paragraph order and embed transitions.

Because my second body paragraph concludes with the statement about moving to a better geographic location, I decide that it will naturally flow into a concluding paragraph, so I leave the order as is.

I already have my transitions in place. My topic sentences come directly from my thesis, so my reader can easily recognize what details will follow. I use introductory prepositional phrases such as "this way", "on most days", and I repeat certain grammatical patterns, such as "my current house", so my reader can anticipate what kinds of details to encounter.

 

Formulate thesis sentence.

I take my topic sentences and put them together in a way that defines all my supportive details:

Topic sentences:
I buy houses with my career in mind.
To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui.

Thesis sentence: I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. 

I go back and revise my second topic sentence to more accurately reflect my thesis:
To set up my house to fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui.

 

Draft introduction.

 
The paragraph:
I have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would I choose to buy? Let's say I need both, so this might be a tough choice. However, to save money, I could live in my office or work from my home. I have heard that more and more people are doing this nowadays. And it just so happens that is what I already do. I telecommute. My home business is my reality. I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind.

The explanation:
The best introductions hook readers with the first sentence. Readers can be hooked by well stated problems that they can see themselves having. So, revising the TOEFL problem prompt for first-person grammar gets this job done quickly and easily. The only thing left to do is fill in the gap between the first sentence and the thesis sentence. This process requires some additional information about the writer, just enough information to help readers make the connection between the problem in the first sentence and the proposed solution in the thesis sentence.

 

Draft conclusion.

Pre-writing:
Look again at the very last sentence of the essay written as the very first step in the writing process: Minding my own business includes my own house. Think about leading up to these last words. Follow the rule of thumb for writing a good introduction: Begin with a sentence that reminds readers of the original thesis.

The paragraph container:
I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. Minding my own business includes my own house.

The filled out paragraph:
I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. Spaces like kitchens and backyards must allow me to teach English online in them. I can cook or enjoy beautiful scenery while I work. Spaces must give and not take my energy. Things like windows and mirrors are empowering. Standing rather than sitting is empowering. If a house and location works for me, I can stay and get a lot done, but if a house could be better, I can leave it easily. Minding my own business includes my own house. 

 

Proofread.

 

Pre-writing:
Stitch together all the paragraphs in preparation for proofreading. Proofread not only for mechanical problems, but also for word choice.

The complete draft (see revisions in bold brackets):
I have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would I choose to buy? Let's say I need both, so this might be a tough choice. However, to save money, I could live in my office or work from my home. I have heard that more and more people are doing this nowadays. And it just so happens that is what I already do. I telecommute. My home business is my reality. I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind.

I buy houses with my career in mind. I teach English conversation on the internet. The more locations around my house where I can work with my students,  the longer hours I can work and the more inspired I am to help make meaningful conversation. My current house has my primary work space in what is supposed to be the kitchen[-]dining area. This way, I can mind my cooking while working. I chose a house that has a bar rather than a wall between the cooking and eating areas. [So, I can smell and hear what is on the stove and save a hamburger before it turns black.] My current house is in a warm climate and has a large private lush back yard. On most days, I can take a portable device out there. I don't worry about my voice disturbing my neighbors. Being among the [white, orange, and pink] azaleas, [swaying and whispering] bamboo, [fern covered] live oaks, and one hundred foot tall pine trees gives me something to marvel at while I focus on tedious details like my students' pronunciation problems. [And, my various backdrops give my students more to talk about, too.] [I am a professional in my own home.]

To most fully integrate my professional and home life, I came up with my own version of Feng Shui, a theory of orienting and arranging one's life to allow the best flow of energy. In a previous house [that] I wanted to leave for a better location [in a warmer more natural setting], I strategically placed mirrors throughout. When I was finished, every wall opposite a doorway had a mirror that pulled a person [along]. Wherever I would have liked an extra window to the outside, I [also] placed a mirror. The other thing I did was convert to a stand up office environment for work. Suddenly my body was much more free to come and go at my computer, and I quickly lost all my excess weight. My mirrors and standing desk empowered me to quickly get my life in enough control that I could move to a better geographic location. [Sometimes I buy to set up, but other times I set up to buy.]

I both buy and set up houses with my home business in mind. Spaces like kitchens and backyards must allow me to teach English online in them. I can cook or enjoy beautiful scenery while I work[, and my students find me more interesting, too.] Spaces must give and not take my energy. Things like windows and mirrors are empowering. Standing rather than sitting is empowering. If a house and location works for me, I can stay and get a lot done, but if a house could be better, I can leave it easily. Minding my own business includes [minding] my own house.

The explanation:
I check every sentence for how well I am guiding and engaging my readers. Sometimes I need to add words to be more explicit. The toughest part of writing for other people is seeing our writing through the eyes of readers who don't know all our thoughts that we take for granted. Mostly, we need to work extra hard to help readers see the connections between our main points, and the connections between our points and our details. Part of this work includes adding details that appeal to our readers' senses, specific sights, sounds, names, and actions.